Semi-sucky

Y’know that feeling when things are not going great, but they’re not awful either? When life is semi-sucky and you just feel kind of blah and find yourself making up stupid phrases like “semi-sucky?” That’s me today.

The court date has been set. I got the draft papers in the mail last night and I guess it’s just hitting me all over again that this is really happening. I’m going to be divorced. I’m going to be 40+ and divorced with a child.

Is it just me or can anyone else see the big flashing red “D” over my head?

I guess it’s just hitting me that this is not something I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the ex back. In fact, can’t get rid of him fast enough/wish he’d fall off the end of the earth/hope the door DOES hit him in the ass on his way out. But, I don’t want to be D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D either. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t want to be A-L-O-N-E (although it’s certainly preferable to being coupled to the wrong person).

Of course, there are some positive things to the situation (in no particular order):

1. I’ve lost 45 lbs.! I’ve got more to go, but I’m starting to look pretty darned good if I do say so myself.

2. I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer and have my first session later this week.

3. I’m looking into yoga and pilates classes and I’ve heard there are some great new dance/aerobic classes coming (salsa, hip hop and even striptease!) that sound like fun, too.

4. I get to spend more time with Ryan which is just the best thing in the world.

5. I have a terrific family and great friends.

6. I’m healthy.

7. The house is peaceful.

8. No one’s pissed at me and I’m not afraid any more.

9. I can sleep at night (well, okay, not last night but that’s a rarity).

10. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new DVR that the cable company installed this last week.

11. I’m planning a complete redecoration of my bedroom and I can’t wait!

11. I even get the occasional chance to make jewelry…

…although my hobby du jour seems to be clothes shopping to replace my wardrobe with smaller sizes. Ummmm…anyone know a good tailor? I’ve got about 4 pairs of pants, a skirt and a bunch of tops that all need to be taken in and/or hemmed.

{Can I insert a mini-rant on a completely different topic here? I hate being 5’5.5” Pant lengths are all based on someone who is 5’6” which means that all average length pants are too long for me. However, petite length pants are too short. So, I either have to constantly wear 3” heels with my pants (looks good, but not so great for the feet to do it on a daily basis especially at work) OR I have to get stuff altered. Which I always SAY I’m going to do, but I seriously don’t have the time to be constantly running stuff back and forth to the tailor. Not to mention it’s hard to find a GOOD tailor who won’t ruin my clothes. Of the few things I’ve had altered, NONE have been satisfactory. I even have a pair of pants where the legs are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LENGTHS now! GRRR! Oh, and then there was the chick who did the alterations on my wedding dress and re-attached the skirt (wedding dresses have to have the length taken up at the waistline rather than the hem when there’s decoration at the hem) BACKWARDS. Hmm…maybe I should’ve taken that as an omen? Anyway…getting stuff altered sucks. Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blog now.}

So, there’s a lot to be happy and thankful for, but I’m still mourning the end of something that wasn’t supposed to end and wishing that it had been possible to save it. Oh well, I’m sure that feeling will pass with time.

Here’s to the rest of my life – may it be fabulous and filled with unbelievably hot shoes (and hopefully a hot guy or three LOL)!

KJ