Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Peeves...and the women who list them.

I’ve been feeling decidedly peevish since the weekend (too many chores, not enough fun) and it occurred to me that I haven’t posted a pet peeve list in a while so it’s probably time to rectify that. It’s not good to let the peeves build up for too long. You just end up with disorganized peeves running amuck and no one likes that. So, here they are:

Peeve #1: People who don’t like or don’t understand the need for pet peeve lists.

Peeve #2: No more Al Michaels and John Madden on Monday Night Football. Yeah, I know, I can still watch it on ESPN, but come on, Joe Theismann is NO John Madden!

Peeve #3: That I can’t remember how long it’s been since the Bruins beat the Trojans in a football game.

Peeve #4: That L.A. STILL does not have a football team and probably never will.

Peeve #5: Getting Lone Ranger’d. Hey, LR, fyi…that mask is dorky and I hope you and that damn horse will be very happy together. Tanto’s cuter than you, anyway.

Peeve #6: That the Packers can’t seem to field a decent team to support Brett Favre in the latter years of his career so that he can go out like the champion he is. You’d think having a quarterback like that in place would motivate you to go out and draft at least ONE decent receiver, but no!

Peeve #7: Finding my ex’s profile on a dating site and being reminded how disgusting he is (and stupid, too, since he also put up a picture of our young child for every perv on-line to see). I swear I’m not a vindictive person (lucky for him or he’d’ve been fertilizing someone’s yard by now) but every day I get closer and closer to signing him up on

Peeve #8: That going back to work has impacted my gym schedule so that I’m now plateau’d only 9 lbs. from my goal weight. ARGGHH!

Peeve #9: I discovered this weekend while organizing my bathroom (love you, Container Store!) that I have a zillion lip glosses which, although they have different color names and are from different manufacturers, are essentially the same boring shade of which Laura Mercier Lip Glace in "Blush" is a perfect example. I am possibly suffering from some kind of lip gloss-related mental deficiency.

Peeve #10: That I can’t find the exact shade of rose/copper eye shadow I’ve been searching for all summer and yet, hello! zillions of identical lip glosses.

Peeve #11: That I haven’t yet figured out what the correct response is when people ask “so, how’s (insert name of disgusting, not-quite-ex-husband here)?”

Peeve #12: I can never think of amusing, catchy titles for blog entries.

Peeve #13: Laurell K. Hamilton has ruined two perfectly good novel series with her sexual obsessions. Soooo not buying the latest Anita Blake book and didn’t buy the last Meredith Gentry book, either.

Peeve #14: That Hamilton’s editor/publisher let her get away with ruining two perfectly good series.

Peeve #15: Internet dating self-help books.

Peeve #16: Dating self-help books.

Peeve #17: Dating.

Peeve #18: That because dating is stupid, I’ve been reduced to reading self-help books (dating self-help books at that!) and therefore I am pathetic.

Peeve #18: That I went to a great party Saturday night and didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to meet new people and scope out the single guys. Instead, I turned chicken and just hung out with the crowd I already knew. Good mushroom appetizers, though.

Peeve #19: I couldn’t eat more than one of the appetizers because this insidious voice in my head kept reminding me that I wasn’t going to have time to go to the gym the next day and work off the calories. I have maybe carried the whole diet/exercise thing a little too far?

Peeve #20: I look the best I have in my entire life since I was 16 years old and no one seems to notice. Double ARRRGGHHHHH!

Peeve #21: I’m 41 years old (ouch!) and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

Peeve #22: Having to grow up. I know, I should’ve thought of that before I had a kid and turned 41.

Peeve #23: That I’m the kind of person who makes and posts lists of her 23 pet peeves (oops, make that 24) on the Internet.

Peeve #24: Not having any creativity left or feeling any desire to create anything thanks to the vast pit of emotional suckage that is divorce.

Peeve #25: The pair of twits who hogged the ab bench at 24 Hour Fitness last night. Listen up, kiddies, the place is a GYM. Not a singles bar. Or a hotel. Get a room for #()@&!’s sake and get the hell out of my way. I’ve got two sets of 75 crunches to do before I finish my workout and go home and I don’t have all night. The fact that you’re just laying there flirting with each other and not doing any exercising at all is SEVERELY annoying! Besides, both of you are in perfect shape and don’t even need to be there (hence, I suppose, the no exercising and the laying around trying to look cute) so go eat a donut and leave the equipment for those of us who actually need to use it. Because we are hungry, sweaty, tired and cranky and you shouldn’t make us angry. You won’t like us when we’re angry. We might stuff that exercise ball where the sun don’t shine. Get me? Good.

It’s possible I may need a candy bar now.


Extra Credit Peeve: That my new black suede peep-toe platform wedges were perfectly comfortable in the store and for the first day that I wore them (thus making them impossible to return) but now have turned into foot torture devices of the highest order. Of course, this will not stop me from wearing them because they are so damn cute, but I will be extremely, well, peeved every time I do so.


Kaos Siberians said...

You forgot one of my favorite peeves: having to keep up with one of your best friend's lives via her blog and she doesn't update very often :-)

You can still return those shoes.

Response #1: "He's not dead yet."
Respone #2: "Who cares?"

You MUST share the web-profile so we can join you in your disgust.

Remember, 9 lbs from goal is way better than 9 lbs from where I started in February, which is where I'm at.

Move Hamilton into the "erotica/paranormal" category and you can still enjoy the books, or is that TMI about my reading habits?

And, I noticed how good you look and I may have to hate you for it.

Silver Parrot said...

Trying to rectify the not commenting often enough thing. Pesky new job where I actually have WORK to do keeps getting in the way. Plus, nothing exciting happening in my life to talk about anyway.

Cannot return shoes due to Nazi-like anti-return policy at Steve Madden stores.

Filing away your responses for potential future use.

Web profile is "longballsmile" on Feel free to poke fun (he lied about his income for one thing)

I wish you lived closer so I could drag you to the gym with me. Then again...that might be the end of our friendship LOL!

Nope, sorry, no can do with Hamilton. 1. I don't like overly detailed sex scenes. 2. If I'm forced to read overly detailed sex scenes then I would like them to be interspersed with something approaching a plot. 3. I keep giggling every time Anita spends a whole book proclaiming that she will never engage in "X" (a particular sex act) and then the next book is all about how not only will she do it, but she will enjoy it and spend 52 pages explaining why it's okay for her to enjoy it and wondering why she was so messed up as to have never tried it before. "Dear Penthouse" is cheaper (and quicker).

Thanks for noticing, but I was thinking more of, well, GUYS noticing. I should maybe go edit that particular peeve.