Thursday, March 08, 2007

Holy Running Machine, Batman!

I have an announcement to make.

Last night, I ran.

That’s right, you heard me. I RAN! As in running, to run, ran, people. In case you’re wondering why I’m making such a big deal out of this, let me explain that, up until last night, I was a non-runner. A person who could not run. Well, couldn’t run without wanting to die after, like, three steps.

And yeah, some of the running aversion was because I was fat and out of shape for a number of years, but it goes way back before that.

I was a champion swimmer in elementary school and junior high. I still have my trophies and boxes of ribbons and medals – including a bronze medal for my 3rd place finish in the 400 I.M. relay (I swam the butterfly lap) in the Junior Olympics. Couldn’t run back then, either.

In high school, I was a dancer and a member of our state championship drill team. I danced up to 6 hours a day. Every day. I marched in 7 mile long parades. While dancing. While wearing white marching boots that after mile 2 started to weigh about 8,000 lbs. In 100 degree weather. I danced 6-minute long dance routines and marched double-time down the entire length of a football field and back EVERY DAMN DAY.

I weighed 116 lbs. I was IN SHAPE.

But could I run the ¼ mile for the annual physical fitness test? Hell, no. I failed that stupid thing every year (although I kicked ASS on the sit-ups and push-ups).

I don’t know if it’s an allergy thing (as in, maybe all my allergies reduced my breathing capacity) or what, but I have never been able to run more than a few steps without feeling like I can’t breathe which then leads to the whole wanting to D-I-E thing.

Until last night. I have vanquished the running beast! I’ve been doing interval training (3 minutes at “normal” pace and then 1 minute at “fast pace” alternated for 30 – 45 minutes) on the elliptical or treadmill machines at the gym in order to goose my metabolism into coughing up these last 20 lbs. that I want to lose. Last night, I changed the 1 “fast pace” minute to a full-out “run” minute. And I did it all the way through my 35 minute session.

And I did not die, nor did I come close to feeling like dying.


Tonight, I’m upping the running sections to 2 minute intervals.

Cue the Flock of Seagulls music: “And I raaaaaaan. I ran so far awaaaaayyyyy…”


P.S. I ate blueberries and yogurt for a snack today. And I liked it. What’s next? Tomatoes? Squash? It’s possible a pod has taken over my body because this for sure is NOT me. I do not run and I do not eat fruits and vegetables. I. Just. Don’t. I am maybe becoming a pod person…

P.P.S. Except maybe not because squash? No. Just…no.

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