Red Shoe Diaries

Today is a red shoe day. There’s nothing like a great pair of red shoes to make a gal feel like she can go out and conquer the world and perform any ass-kickings that may need to be administered along the way. Don’t believe me? Just ask Dorothy. Of course, I can’t rock the sequins the way she did, but I like to think that my “kicking” shoes of choice (see pic below) have a sleek, modern feel. Because that’s how I roll, yo.

And now for the list of “kickees”:

1. The bozos who on two separate occasions this week revealed their total lack of elevator etiquette by failing to let me and the other passengers OFF the elevator before barging right on and essentially mowing me down in the process. I swear the elevator door opened and some guy was about an eyelash length away from me…TWICE! Raised by wolves, much?

2. The brain trust who decided that rush hour in the rain on a Monday morning would be a good time to turn off the main traffic light that controls the intersection to my office building’s parking lot. Smooth move, ex-lax.

3. The person who invented the words “Storm Watch.” Yeah, right. Drizzle Watch 2006 is more like it. Thanks awfully, though. Because, you know, ooooo…the drama!

4. The quite bizarre saleswoman at Macy’s who felt the need to issue elaborate commentary on each and every one of my purchases…which, considering I was in the lingerie department at the time was disconcerting to say the least. I already KNOW the underwear is cute, thanks. That’s why I’m buying it. Except I had the weird feeling that if she thought what I was buy was ugly, she would’ve commented on that, too, in the same upbeat, chipper, overly-friendly, robotic Stepford Wife-ish voice. Just shut up and bag the damn stuff. If I’d wanted your input, I would’ve asked. I’ve experienced this phenomenon before in relation to food purchases at the grocery store and it’s annoying there, too. But it never had the “creep” and “ick” factor that this gal provided with her running underwear diatribe. Not to mention her brain seemed to not be able to handle simultaneous activities such as talking and ringing up sales so the whole process took, like, a decade or something.

And now, for some red-shoe-ass-kicking music, I bring you the immortal words of Kelly Clarkson (or whoever writes her songs):

Since U Been Gone

Here's the thing we started out friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since U Been Gone

You’re dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since U Been Gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since U Been Gone

How can I put it? You put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah
Since U Been Gone

How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get (I get) what I want
Since U Been Gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get, I get what I want
Since U Been Gone
Since U Been Gone
Since U Been Gone

So, just a warning to everyone out there…my red shoes and I are in the house. You better straighten up and fly right!

KJ

P.S. Architect Guy (who I’ll be calling AG for short now) paid me the nicest compliment about my lips. This is extra cool because I’ve never liked my lips. In order to avoid drawing attention to them, I never wear anything on them other than lip balm (Bonne Belle Lipsmackers in Strawberry or Vanilla since 7th grade if you must know). Until very recently, that is. I made a conscious decision earlier this year to just embrace myself – real and imagined flaws and all – and went nuts buying lip gloss and wear it all the time now. I guess it paid off. If he says something nice about my nose, next, I may be in love LOL!