Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Beware of evil (and also of killer shoes)

I’m once again totally ripping off the blog of my friend, KD, for a nifty idea. She found this cool little “how evil are you” quiz and I just had to take it. Turns out, I’m really not that evil. Only a lousy 26%.

You Are 26% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

Guess I’ll never be Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Dexter Rohan.

On the upside, this means I don’t have to wear ginormous hats, either.

Oh, and here are a couple more additions to my “embarrassing songs” list. I just can’t stop doing this for some reason LOL!

32. “Centerfold” – J. Geils Band. Just always kinda liked it.

33. "Hot for Teacher" - Van Halen. Okay, this is more about the video than the song - I think the little boys back-talking the teacher are hilarious. "I don't FEEL tardy."

34. “White Wedding” – Billy Idol. This is one of those “zaps you instantly back to a particular memory” song.

Let me set the scene for you:

June, 1983.

Senior class trip to Hawaii. I’ve just graduated and had my 18th birthday. Did I mention that the drinking age in Hawaii that year was still 18 (not 21)?

You can probably guess where this is going.

Bobby McGee’s restaurant in Honolulu.

I’m wearing a halter neck dress with a wide skirt (think Marilyn Monroe in “The 7 Year Itch” type dress) that, since it’s the 80’s, has vivid black and white diagonal strips and then about 2” of red around the hem and along the edges of the halter and a red belt.

The shoes? So glad you asked. They are 3.5” fire engine red pumps with tiny little bows on the back. If you look up “f--- me pumps” in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of these shoes. I weigh 116 lbs. I’ve got blonde hair and an amazing tan (like I said, it was the 80's - we didn't know from SPF yet).

Now, I grew up in a “dry” house – never tasted alcohol in my life. But, at Bobby McGee’s, I discover the world’s MOST fabulous drink – The Blue Hawaii. Seriously, this stuff is like the nectar of the gods and I have oh, lemmee see, three or four thousand of them while I’m sitting there with my friends eating dinner. Felt totally fine. Thought to myself “what’s the big deal about alcohol…I feel fine.”

Then I stood up.

Fortunately for me, we had the world’s CUTEST waiter and he was right there with his hand under my elbow to prevent me from falling on my ass and making a complete fool out of myself. Now, all of us had been flirting shamelessly with him all night but for some reason (hmm, I don’t know, the alcohol maybe?) he singled me out. Probably the ONLY time in my life I’ve been in a place with a bunch of girlfriends and been singled out by the cute guy. 99.9% of the time, I’m the official geek magnet to the point where my friends end up taking up protective positions around me to keep the losers away.

But I digress.

Bobby McGee’s wasn’t just a restaurant – it had a full disco inside it. Mr. Cute Waiter mentioned that if we hung around in the disco another 30 minutes, he’d be off work and would call some friends to come join us so we could all dance. So, being young, stupid, drunk and suckers for cute waiters, we agreed. I spent all night dancing with this guy and had the best time EVER!

Last song of the evening, he had the DJ play “White Wedding” and dedicate it to me. Wow. Seriously, this night ranks right up there as one of the best of my life. I had the hangover from hell the next morning, but I didn’t care. I spent the day lying on the beach anyway so had plenty of time to recover.

I love, love, love this song.

And, because you can never take too many silly quizzes, I found this on the same site as the “how evil are you” quiz:

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

Pretty accurate in my case…which surprises me as I usually don’t go for “brown” but I was seduced by the sparkliness and almost bead-like quality of the image LOL!

Yeah, I know, this is kind of a silly blog entry today. I blame it on my oh-so-cool new clothes – kicky flared denim panel skirt, chocolate brown shirt (in size 14!!!), new gold and brown dangly, shiny earrings and the piece de resistance: my new Via Spiga slingbacks.

Okay, so they’re not the red pumps from 1983, but then, hey, I don’t have 18 year old legs any more, either. But still, thanks to the power of the new shoes, the 40-year-old legs are not lookin' too shabby, even if I do say so myself.

Come to think of it, I wonder whatever happened to those red pumps? Oh wait, freshman year of college, I let one of my pledge sisters borrow them to wear to our sorority's "Jailhouse Rock" party where they sadly met a tragic end.

Y'see, that party had an open bar. And when I say "open" I mean as in there was no bartender (can't remember if the guy just flaked out early in the evening or if the social chairman forgot to hire one or what). So people (and when I say "people" I mean some fraternity guys who were there as some of the girls' dates) jumped behind the bar and mixed their own drinks.

The result was pretty much total and complete chaos including spilled drinks (a LOT of spilled drinks - like a lake's worth) and I'm sure various other (bodily) substances which I'm trying hard not to remember all over the floor. This "liquid" mixed with the construction dust on the floor of the building (we rented out an actual television set that was set up like the inside of a prison) to create the world's most disgusting and (I later learned when trying to salvage what was left of the red shoes) unremoveable (irremoveable?) cement.

Dude, seriously, this stuff was like NASA grade cement. I tried everything to get it off the shoes - which considering I knew what some of the probable components were and considering my incredibly low tolerance for anything even remotely "icky" shows that I was pretty seriously dedicated to saving those shoes. Alas and alack, it was not to be. I had to send them to the great shoe closet in the sky. It was a difficult decision, but it was for the best. They were suffering needlessly.

But again, I digress most outrageously.

My new shoes are tres cool and totally "make" today's outfit. Props to Stacy London of TLC's "What Not to Wear" for teaching me the secret to buying/wearing pointy-toed shoes w/o needing foot surgery.


P.S. The bead-embroidered “flame” bracelet is ALMOST done! I’m just doing the picot edging on it and have only about half left to go. Now, the only problem is going to be how to get a picture of the darned thing since there’s no way it’s going to fit in the scanner now and my digital camera sucks big green ones when it comes to taking jewelry pics.

Mountains it does fine with. Small detailed items…not so much.

Hey Jenie – if I spring for tea wouldja come take some pictures for me????


Jenie said...

yeah, but you're the most dangerous kind of evil! and damn, those are some seriously awesome shoes! your description of your 80s outfit made me laugh...ah, the ubiquitous black and white striped with red trim outfits/dresses. :) au revoir, chausseurs. we will miss you. :) and yes, i will come take pictures AND show you how to firework them into magic. :) (I don't suck *all* the time...)

Silver Parrot said...

Well, iffen you're gonna be evil - be the most dangerous kind, I say! So, when are you and your camera coming for tea?


Kaos Siberians said...

Well, I'm only 38% evil; slightly more than you, but not so bad on the evil scale. I can live with it.

Silver Parrot said...

Oh come on, Sparkle, I think we BOTH knew that you more evil than I am LOL!


Silver Parrot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.