Thursday, July 30, 2009

White-knuckling it

Okay, yeah, so I fell off the bead diet wagon yesterday and made three purchases. One was on sale, one was something I’ve been trying to buy on Etsy for three months and every time the seller lists one, somebody else gets it before I do (literally had one sold right outta my cart before I could finish checking out), and some stuff that was just too breathtaking to pass up.

I HAD to have it.

HAD TO.

Or I would’ve died.

Like that time in 7th grade where I HAD TO have a pair of Chemin de Fer jeans to wear to school the next day or I was gonna die. And they had to be the sailor style with the five buttons on either side.

I still remember my mother standing at the checkout counter with me at Miller’s Outpost (remember them?) and loudly saying “$35??? For JEANS???!!!”

Ahhh…the 70’s.

Anyway, no more purchases until Saturday at the show. I am determined. Surely I can go 48 measly hours without making a bead purchase? Right?

I am a responsible adult woman with a college degree. I will not be defeated by a tiny ball with a hole in it, dammit!

Speaking of which, I read the funniest bead joke yesterday that I’m going to share here.

**NOTE**: It’s a little off-color so if you get offended easily or you’re one of those people who feels compelled to e-mail me whenever I don’t keep the blog G-rated, just do us all a favor and stop reading now, okay? Okay.

For the rest of you:

A bead is a marble that’s lost its virginity.

*Snicker*

Okay, *I* thought it was funny. But then, I spend all my time with a 6-year-old boy so it’s possible that my sense of humor may be a bit debased.

For example, this is the conversation that took place in my bedroom last night (again – warning and read at your own risk and potty words, etc.):


CREAAAKKK! I hear my bedroom door opening and I look at the clock. Crap. 2:42 AM. Why does this stuff always happen in the middle of the freakin’ night.

Kid: “M-m-mommy?”

Me (TRYING to be nice and yet still not wake all the way up): “What’s wrong, honey? Did you have a bad dream?”

Kid: “No.”

Me: “Well, go back to bed then.”

Kid: “I can’t”

Me: “Why not?”

Kid: “My underwear is stuck to my butt.”

Sigh. (Okay, so I didn’t find it so funny at the time, but this morning it’s making me giggle)

I bet Angelina Jolie doesn’t have to put up with this kinda stuff. Or if she does, I bet she makes Brad go deal with it.

So, until the day when Brad Pitt comes to be my live-in nanny and all-around man slave, I guess I’ll just have drown my sorrows in my beads.

How many more hours to the show?

KJ

8 comments:

Lorelei said...

hahahahahah!
thanks for the laugh!!

TesoriTrovati said...

You? Make me laugh so hard!
Love the joke.
Love the early morning interlude.
Love your blog, KJ!

Enjoy the day!
Erin

P.S. I would also love to fall off the bead diet with you at a bead show. But since that isn't likely to happen, I will settle for reading all about it!

lunedreams said...

Ha ha--I go on bead diets every week or so too. And yet I have more beads. Just when I've decided I have enough beads to make stuff until 2013, I get a half off/clearance email from Bead Babe (better stock up) or Happy Mango Beads, and I think, Wow, they probably won't have sales like this when the recession is over, it would be WISE to take advantage of it. Works for me.

Silver Parrot said...

Lorelei - glad you got a laugh and I'm so honored you stopped by. I'm a HUGE fan of your work!!

Silver Parrot said...

Erin - I will be happy to post about the bead gluttony that is sure to take place on Saturday (if I can just hold out and not buy anything else between now and then).

Silver Parrot said...

Lune - those e-mail coupons are the WORST! They are responsible for more of my bead binges than anything else. Well, except perhaps the time that Rings 'N Things gave me a $50 gift certificate and I proceeded to spend an additional $50 on top of that. That was a sad, sad day (for my bank account).

Katie said...

Love the joke and the story :o) I have been good so far today - no bead purchases (but the day isn't over yet...haha)...

You definitely have to post some good bead porn after your shopping trip this weekend :o) That way, you can make me jealous while I am trying not to spend too much before heading to Philly for Bead Fest.

alfcreations said...

OMG! I just about spit chicken quesadilla on my screen. That was great! I have three boys - 10, 2, 6 mos. I can relate. :)
Andrea