Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Has This Ever Happened To You?

You innocently park your car in a spot...well within the lines even tho it's a small spot and you drive an SUV. You go off to do your business (work, grocery shopping, whatever).

You come back to find that some person (who, unless he was driving while totally and completely blind, can only be assumed to be a COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON) has parked so close to your car that you cannot get in it.

And I don't mean just a little bit close. I mean WAY over the lines AND crooked.

And don't even give me that look like "hey, someone who doesn't eat as many donuts as you and doesn't have an ass the size of Texas could have made it into her car." 'Cuz, NO. They couldn't have.

I could have dunked Tinkerbell in a bucket of lube and she wouldn't have been able to slip up to the driver's side door much less had enough room to OPEN the door.

So now you say "well, open the passenger side and crawl over." Well, yeah, THAT I could have done. But that was as far as I would have gotten because MR. MORON had parked at such an angle that I couldn't back up. I couldn't go forward due to a cement planter in front of me.

Just being presented with this situation had me fairly steamed. But it was the next li'l bit that threatened to send me completely over the falls into a brain aneurysm and subsequent cranial explosion...

Through some judicious asking around (hard to do when you're steamed, but I gritted my teeth and pulled it off), I found Mr. Moron.

And when I asked him "Is that your car?"

He replied (in the most innocent tone of voice I have ever heard...and I've heard a 7 year old deny all kinds of stuff while standing there with the evidence smeared all over his face so I know all about that innocent tone of voice) "Oh, did I park to close to you?"

DID I PARK TOO CLOSE TO YOU???

Really?

Really.

You had the balls to just say that to me.

Do you have ANY IDEA how close to a messy and horrible death you are right now, Mr. Moron?

But apparently, he didn't because as we walked towards our cars, he followed it up with this little gem: "You know, these parking spaces are really small."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

KJ

P.S. Could someone please send bail money? I'll make it up to you in beads.

P.P.S. Don't forget to play in the Play Money contest!

13 comments:

Nicki said...

You really know how to make me laugh, miss silver parrot.

kelleysbeads said...

Some people are so stinkin fabulous. Wow.

SummersStudio said...

Believe it or not, this happens to me quite regularly. And it always sends me into an internal tantrum.

mairedodd said...

i am sorry that i am laughing at your expense - i hope that you can appreciate it means that you are a fabulous writer (because i empathize with the frustration!) yes, morons abound - but do keep out of jail - the short one needs you...

Pretty Things said...

I am SOOOOO rolling on the floor. It was Tinkerbell that did it for me. You had me there.

Mellisa said...

I'm pretty darn impressed that you tracked down Mr. Perceptive...and that you didn't break his legs...after he moved his car...

Gardanne said...

I just had to crawl in through the passenger side the other day, Mrs. Moron was in my neighborhood. Not a pretty sight.

Kristen said...

Oh my gosh, that was funny to read! I'm sure not funny to live through though! Glad you kept your composure! :)

Michelle said...

I so totally understand your wanting to smoosh the moron! Where my shop is...the parking lot is shared by other building mates---there is one woman who drives a pickup that is too big for her to handle. She backs into a parking space but can't judge the distance to the barrier and ends up parking 3 FEET away from the barrier. Now she is sticking out 5 feet into the main drive of the VERY SMALL lot! Grrr...do you not get out of your vehicle and LOOK at the way you are parked? MORON!

Thought you would like to hear my rant...and it happens on a regular basis with the same person! Aaarggh! LOL

Bead Happy--no bail money will be needed...
Michelle

Kristen said...

OK Bail is on its way and so am I to kick the snot out of this jerk! And they have the balls to say we are bad!
OH and your ass can't be the size of Texas either!

Hugs

Barbara Bechtel said...

you kill me! I'll never forget the person who did that to my boyfriend then proceeded to open the door and hit our car and blame it on him. Classic!

MoonRae said...

tee hee hee!!! gotta love ya, you made my day
~Sharon~

Tara P. said...

Okay, seriously - rolling on the floor right now! It was Tinkerbell that did it! I got a visual stuck in my head!