You innocently park your car in a spot...well within the lines even tho it's a small spot and you drive an SUV. You go off to do your business (work, grocery shopping, whatever).
You come back to find that some person (who, unless he was driving while totally and completely blind, can only be assumed to be a COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON) has parked so close to your car that you cannot get in it.
And I don't mean just a little bit close. I mean WAY over the lines AND crooked.
And don't even give me that look like "hey, someone who doesn't eat as many donuts as you and doesn't have an ass the size of Texas could have made it into her car." 'Cuz, NO. They couldn't have.
I could have dunked Tinkerbell in a bucket of lube and she wouldn't have been able to slip up to the driver's side door much less had enough room to OPEN the door.
So now you say "well, open the passenger side and crawl over." Well, yeah, THAT I could have done. But that was as far as I would have gotten because MR. MORON had parked at such an angle that I couldn't back up. I couldn't go forward due to a cement planter in front of me.
Just being presented with this situation had me fairly steamed. But it was the next li'l bit that threatened to send me completely over the falls into a brain aneurysm and subsequent cranial explosion...
Through some judicious asking around (hard to do when you're steamed, but I gritted my teeth and pulled it off), I found Mr. Moron.
And when I asked him "Is that your car?"
He replied (in the most innocent tone of voice I have ever heard...and I've heard a 7 year old deny all kinds of stuff while standing there with the evidence smeared all over his face so I know all about that innocent tone of voice) "Oh, did I park to close to you?"
DID I PARK TOO CLOSE TO YOU???
You had the balls to just say that to me.
Do you have ANY IDEA how close to a messy and horrible death you are right now, Mr. Moron?
But apparently, he didn't because as we walked towards our cars, he followed it up with this little gem: "You know, these parking spaces are really small."
P.S. Could someone please send bail money? I'll make it up to you in beads.
P.P.S. Don't forget to play in the Play Money contest!