1. Janet Jackson’s “Miss You Much” does NOT belong on the Oldies Station. Putting this song between “Bad Moon Risin’” and “Midnight Train to Georgia” just doesn’t work. STOP IT! Actually, don’t play it when I’m in the car at all, because then I can’t do the cool finger-dancing part from the video. Oh, and for those who are wondering WHY I’m listening to the Oldies Station at all…I was stuck in traffic, in the rain and all the other stations were advertising or playing rap music. And I don’t need to be hearing about deals on plastic surgery, how Galpin Ford is sadly now the #2 dealership in the world instead of #1 where they’ve been for the last 19 years, or yet another song about clubs and booty and f-bombs. I was already pissed off enough, thanks.
2. Which brings me to thing #2. See that word written on the parking stall? Now, I know you might’ve skipped kindergarten and the whole learning to read thing, so let me enlighten you. C-O-M-P-A-C-T. Compact (kom-pakt). It means small. As in little or tiny. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR EFFIN’ HUGE-ASS FORD EXPEDITION!
3. And then there’s thing #3. People, please. If you put your blinker on signaling that you want to make a lane change…in traffic…in the rain, and I am NICE ENOUGH to slow down and make a spot for you…MOVE THE EFF OVER. Don’t just keep on driving, with your blinker on, drifting like you’re coming over and then jerking back into your lane because you’re waiting for a BIGGER SPOT. It ain’t happenin’! Look, the guy behind me is already pissed at me for slowing down by 2 mph to give you that spot. If I slow down any more, he will probably shoot me. So, TAKE THE SPOT already! Geez!
Porn later…after I calm down and get chocolate.
Oh, and Happy Friday.