Friday, December 11, 2009

Three Things

1. Janet Jackson’s “Miss You Much” does NOT belong on the Oldies Station. Putting this song between “Bad Moon Risin’” and “Midnight Train to Georgia” just doesn’t work. STOP IT! Actually, don’t play it when I’m in the car at all, because then I can’t do the cool finger-dancing part from the video. Oh, and for those who are wondering WHY I’m listening to the Oldies Station at all…I was stuck in traffic, in the rain and all the other stations were advertising or playing rap music. And I don’t need to be hearing about deals on plastic surgery, how Galpin Ford is sadly now the #2 dealership in the world instead of #1 where they’ve been for the last 19 years, or yet another song about clubs and booty and f-bombs. I was already pissed off enough, thanks.

2. Which brings me to thing #2. See that word written on the parking stall? Now, I know you might’ve skipped kindergarten and the whole learning to read thing, so let me enlighten you. C-O-M-P-A-C-T. Compact (kom-pakt). It means small. As in little or tiny. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR EFFIN’ HUGE-ASS FORD EXPEDITION!

3. And then there’s thing #3. People, please. If you put your blinker on signaling that you want to make a lane change…in traffic…in the rain, and I am NICE ENOUGH to slow down and make a spot for you…MOVE THE EFF OVER. Don’t just keep on driving, with your blinker on, drifting like you’re coming over and then jerking back into your lane because you’re waiting for a BIGGER SPOT. It ain’t happenin’! Look, the guy behind me is already pissed at me for slowing down by 2 mph to give you that spot. If I slow down any more, he will probably shoot me. So, TAKE THE SPOT already! Geez!

Porn later…after I calm down and get chocolate.

Oh, and Happy Friday.

KJ

6 comments:

TesoriTrovati said...

mmmmm....chocolate....it does make everything better doesn't it? that reminds me that I need a Moonstruck Truffle fix...good thing my best buddy sells it down the street!
I have a gripe about winter weather driving...just because it snowed does NOT mean that you need to wait until there are no cars coming to turn...when there is a gap of 3 blocks for the next car, it is okay to turn, and you can use the gas ever so slightly to do it rather than relying on wind currents to motivate your car to inch forward.
Enjoy the day, KJ!
xo
E

Lorelei said...

I've got one too. When you are driving on the highway and you come across a spot where traffic is MERGING onto the highway, take note and mooooove eff over to the passing lane. Pay attention to the signs people! It gives you a heads up about 500 feet before the merging traffic! Don't drive in the lane and ignore the people merging in. It's bad ettiquette! gah!
I could open up a new blog just for gripes about bad driving.

Kristen said...

LOL! Thanks Kelly, I needed that laugh today! You're a riot!

Winchell Clayworks said...

It's probably a good thing we are on opposite sides of the country. Not sure one state could take the both of us at once. I just got back from Christmas shopping (not a fan of shopping anyway, unless it's online and involves shiny things), and I am still amazed at the people to whom are issued licenses. I think to myself as I drive, "yeah, go ahead and hit me. I'd love if you bought me a new car."

And when did walking down the aisle with shopping carts become a contact sport?? Yeah, mess with me?? I come from Navy men and football players--good luck.

kelleysbeads said...

I hate driving. For the very reasons mentioned above.

Retail Therapy said...

or people making a right turn who put on their blinker, sloooooow down but fail to get over to the right. You don't need 10 feet of clearance to make a right turn! Move over!

Gotta love so cal!