Episode #942 - In which our author starts out righteously angry and ends up feeling guilty

Y'know...at some point...I made a decision to CHOOSE to be a mom. Yep. I did this to myself ON PURPOSE.

And mostly? It's been great.

And mostly? I love the kid.

And mostly? The times when I have wanted to drop kick his cutie little patootie down the street...I've refrained.

Y'know, like the time he fingerpainted his crib with his own poop.

Or the time he smeared green play-do into the living room carpet and ruined it (hey, at least he moved on to non-toxic materials).

Or the time he took scissors to the couch and ruined it.

Or the time he ate somebody else's ABC gum off the ground in the parking lot.

Or the time he ate the squished bug.

Or the time he wiped black paint on my beautiful white hand towels that I had spent a year cross-stitching pansy designs onto.

Or the giant pile of trash he created behind the couch.

Or the even giganticer pile of trash he created behind the entertainment center.

Or the flood he caused that destroyed a good chunk of the second story of the house and part of the garage.

Or the time I found out that all the stuff that had been removed as part of the flood and stored in the bathtub in his bathroom for later re-installation was covered in PEE. Because, yeah, he'd been sneaking in there and peeing in the bathtub.

Really, I think I've shown REMARKABLE restraint over the years.

But I draw the line when it comes to my bead and crafting supplies. That is IT! Keep your sticky li'l 7-year-old paws on your OWN crap and leave my stuff ALONE.

Here's what went down:

Things over at Be Resinable have been going quite well. I've already had about 3 times the number of transactions in the store than I've had in my jewelry store and that's exciting. It's one thing to make stuff for yourself and be pretty happy with it, but there's something about knowing that others are actually moved to part with their hard-earned cash to aquire what you've made that takes that feeling to a whole new level.

At least there is for me.

So I was thrilled to get not only some repeat business, but also someone who wanted me to make some custom resin and candy cabochons for her. We convo'd back and forth and got all the details worked out and I was all set to make the first attempt this weekend.

On Sunday morning, I dutifully got out all my resining supplies. I had some other beads and pendants ready to resin, also, so wanted to get those set up, too. The resin starts to set pretty quickly so you need to have everything ready to go before you mix up a batch.

Then it was time to grab my trusy wheel o' candy sprinkles:

and start mixing up the colors my customer had requested.

I mix them into Ziploc baggies:

That way, I can keep whatever's left over for future use.

So, I got the first color mix done, and then I had to leave the room for a few minutes. I can't remember why, now, but somehow, I ended up being away for longer than I had intended.

I came back and sat down to mix the second batch. All went well in adding the first three colors. And then it was time to add the yellow. Except - all the yellow was gone.

WTH?

Ummm...this was a brand new jar. I know I used yellow in a couple of other mixes, but did I really use it all up without realizing it?

I know I'm aging a year on Friday of this week, but have I really reached the age of senility? Surely I would've noticed all the yellow being gone, right?

Then I heard a noise from the living room and looked up. And there he was. My son. Playing with his Legos on the carpet and looking all serene and innocent and I began to have that Mom radar feeling. When you just KNOW a massive BAD THING has occurred, but you don't really want to believe that YOUR BABY could've done it...except that you KNOW he did.

Sometimes, being a Mom really sucks ass.

But I had to do it. I had to ask the question. "Ummmm....Ryan? Did you eat some of Mommy's candy sprinkles?"

(and inside my head I'm thinking please please please don't lie because then I have to be pissed about that, too!)

And then I got it. The "guilty dog" expression. I swear this kid was a labrador in a previous life. And in that life? He must've pooped on the carpet. A lot. Because he has that "I'm SOOOOO in trouble, but if I look REALLY sad/pathetic/sorry maybe I won't get punished" look down pat.

So, this tiny little voice says "yes" very quietly.

Y'know...I never realized before that all those times Mom sent me to my room? She was really putting HERSELF in time out so she didn't kill me.

I don't think I've ever seen that kid run up the stairs to his room that fast in my entire life. Actually, I've never seen him run ANYWHERE that fast in his entire life.

And to be clear? I may make fun of the fact that this was my beading/crafting stuff and yeah, I am kinda miffed about that, but really? The main issue is that he needs to learn to respect other people's belongings AND that I have made it clear that the #1 rule in our house is "Ask Mommy FIRST."

And he continues to struggle with that (see list above). And I am tired of repeating that over and over and over til I feel like the proverbial broken record. I do not understand why I can't get this concept across. If you just ASK me, you won't get in trouble. If you'd ASKED for a taste of the yellow candy - I would've given it to you WITHOUT using up my entire supply thus leaving me unable to complete a custom order. You would've gotten your candy fix and I wouldn't have had an aneurysm.

Gah!

So, I dropped the hammer down on this kid. Playdate cancelled and sent to room until I feel like letting him out.

How did I use my subsequent free time? See that baggie up there in the picture that's a mix of yellow and pink candy? Yeah, I separated that bitch BY HAND to make up enough yellow to finish the order.

Then, I went up to check on the kid and have a discussion about what he'd done and to make sure he understood exactly what he was being punished for. And most importantly, to reassure him that even though I wasn't happy with his actions, I will always love him no matter what.

Even if some days I just wanna scream.

Apparently, his punishment had a REAL effect on him because when I went up there? He was fast asleep.

Looking like an angel.

And now I feel like the worst mom in the world.

And I still don't have any yellow candy, dammit!

KJ