Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Oooh...looky...I killed off another follower.


(pauses to take deep bow)

Okay, on to the real news. You knew it had to happen sooner or later, right? That the deli counter at Ralphs would ultimately defeat me?

I have fought the good fight for the better part of 10 years. I give up. I am done. Just exile me to the island of Elba already and get it over with.

(by the way, this blog entry will work much better for you if you are humming "Waterloo" by ABBA while reading it, trust me.)

So, last week, I had to leave work due to illness (that stupid cold I was fighting), but on the way home, it occurred to me that we were kinda outta some stuff at, y'know, cold medicine. Oh, and food. Food would be good.

Since I was feeling lousy, I didn't REALLY want to go to the grocery store. Heck, I don't want to go even when I'm feeling fantastic, but a girl's gotta eat. More importantly, the kidlet's gotta be fed because apparently the state sorta frowns on things like not feeding your offspring and stuff.

And hey, I was already in the car, right? I knew I'd probably be sicker the next day and feel even less like hitting the store, so a quick run-through on my way home ought to do the trick.

Sadly, one of the things we were out of was sandwich meat for the kidlet's lunches. Which meant a trip to the deli personal nemesis.

However, I thought gleefully, it's 10 AM on a Thursday, how bad can the line at the counter really be? And I was right! NO ONE was at the counter when I walked in.

Oh, how I was cruelly deceived!

Deceived, I tell you!

After I noticed the lack of line, I realized there's only the one employee behind the counter. Uh oh, this could be bad...but still, no one else in line. SURELY the one employee can handle my simple "half pound of brown sugar ham and half pound of maple turkey" order, right?


Before I can finish opening my mouth to tell her my order she tells me "you'll have to wait, I have to make a sandwich."

Now, I know they do sandwiches to order at this counter so I figure someone has placed an order and is off getting the rest of the groceries while it's being made.

Reasonable assumption, right?

I decide to do the same thing. Go get the rest of my stuff and come back (remember, I'm sick and all I want to do is go home and dive face-first into a bottle of Nyquil and then pass out).

So, off I go to get milk and cold medicine and soup and some other survival items for the next few days (i.e. Diet Coke).

I circle back to the deli counter and what do I see?

Wait for it.....

That same employee standing there.........................................................................................

EATING THE $)@&$*(#&!!!! SANDWICH!!!

Yes, that's right folks, she made ME, a customer, WAIT, WHILE SHE MADE HER OWN SANDWICH!!!

It was at this point that I had a brilliant revelation (much like the one I had this week about mixing metals)...y'know, they make PACKAGED SANDWICH MEAT. I don't actually HAVE to go to the deli counter.

And you know what? They even have packaged brown sugar ham.

I surrender.




mairedodd said...

i have tears coming out of my eyes! nice to know the deli counter is someone else's nemesis (though maybe for different reasons) and i now HAPPILY buy the prepackaged... classic post - you are such a talent... honestly, you could write a column for the paper - not.even.kidding!

Winchell Clayworks said...

How did I know that's where that story was going.

That would make a nice little anecdote for the manager of the store. I bet there are a lot of people right now who would be happy for that job.

So sorry you got over the swine flu just to end up with a cold ;-)

SueBeads said...

OMG, how funny you are! I hate the grocery store too - and I discovered the packaged lunch meat a while ago, although no one will ever really eat it...

Marie Cramp said...

I feel your pain. I guarantee you that if I was the one that was sick and I was buying the luch meat and she did that to me, I would have had the manager there in about 2 secs and fume coming out of my ears. Good thing I don't do the groceries around here anymore. {hubby found it more economical to go himself}lol

TesoriTrovati said...

Ugh! I don't think I would trust ordering the "fresh" deli meats if she is standing in plain sight of you eating. Isn't there a law or something?!
I think you made the wisest decision. Plus with all the time you won't be wasting in line at the deli counter you can be home making more beautiful things, right? Enjoy the day! Erin

Kristen said...

What a terrible day I've had, and this just made me bust out laughing!! Thanks so much, I think my night has made a turn for the better. Sorry that it is at your expense! ;)

SummersStudio said...

The deli counter is the worst! I'm so glad I'm not alone.

Lorelei said...

How did I not know you had the SWINE FLU!!? what a crappy friend I am, geesh!
Sorry you are sick...but this story was laugh out loud funny! Thanks for the giggle. You never disappoint.