The Weekend Update

Good evening. I’m Silver Parrot…and you’re not.

Okay, 10 points if you get that joke (plus my undying sympathy for the fact that you are at least as old as I am if not older).

For those that didn’t get it, all I can say is “Jane, you ignorant slut.”

Okay, don’t know why I felt compelled to share that flashback, but, well, there you go.

Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. Mine, as usual, was too short. A 4-day holiday weekend is just long enough to set you up for a really CRUEL shot of reality when the alarm goes off at 5:30 AM on Monday morning and you realize that yes, you really DO have to go back to work.

Or else give up things like food and basic hygiene.

Still, in spite of the shortness and the reality of Monday, I did manage to accomplish some good stuff. I took Wednesday off and used it to get a large part of my Christmas shopping done AND avoid the crazed masses on Friday (sorry, I don’t get the whole wait-in-a-parking-lot-overnight-freezing-your-ass-off-to-save-$200-on-a-tv thing). My son and both nephews are taken care of. Also, for the first time in three years, I found everything I needed right away. Nothing was out of stock or picked over.

I finished in an hour and a half.

It was AWESOME.

Then I got a pedicure and picked up my assigned items for Thanksgiving dinner (sparkling cider and a bottle of white whine). Grabbed my favorite salad from Panera to take home and eat and spent the rest of the afternoon working on my great de-stash project. Got a whole bunch of rubber stamps listed on Etsy and boy, are they selling.

Wish I’d known sooner what a market there was for old, used, stained rubber. If I had, I wouldn’t have wasted my time on this whole jewelry thing. Because beautiful glass and clay and crystals and gemstones? Can’t GIVE ‘em away. But stained rubber? Quickly becoming the new monetary standard.

What the heck…gold is overrated anyway.

Then, Thanksgiving morning, I was gifted with the solution to a question which has long perplexed me. I’ve suspected for years that my son had some nefarious plot in mind which required him to incessantly bang the doors on the entertainment center until they fell off. At which point I’d patiently re-hang them again and he’d bang them until they fell off again.

And again.

And again.

This cycle has repeated itself for about the last 3 years until earlier this year when he actually cracked one of the doors in half and the other one just couldn’t be hung up any more because the screw holes are too stripped out.

I finally gave in and just left the doors off the bottom of the cabinet, but remained curious as to why he had this complete obsession with ruining them.

All is now revealed:

His evil plot to disguise himself as a DVD player has finally come to fruition.

Strangely, though, no matter what disk I pop in, I only get re-runs of “Spongebob” on this machine.

Happy Monday!

KJ